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They have never been anything but that so this is just who they are. Thank you all for your compassionate thoughts about people who are deeply suffering and very limited in how much they can control it. I hope some who feel this way are reading your kind thoughts. Get over it. I hear that a lot in subtle and not so subtle ways.

I am 35 now and have been dragging myself through the days for about 30 years. Is that going to happen? You learn to hide your depression, or alienate those around you. I so much agree! People think you can snap out of it. You can if you have a lot of support but when people around you think u can just snap out it really makes you feel worse. Yup…we get no attention, so not sure what he is talking about. My own husband sees me in a fetal position crying like a baby and hardly acknowledges me. I told him if I had cancer…would you treat me so bad and ignore me?

I had a depressed and angry mother and a sociopathic father. Neither were capable of feeling anything for anyone except scorn and distrust. Give me strength! My fiance has struggled with deep depression and anxiety most of his life. When we met and started dating in college 2 years ago he did not show symptoms at the time and we fell in love quickly and deeply. This past year and a half we have struggled to maintain a healthy and happy relationship.

He wants to be happy in life but is not. I have loved him through the ups and the downs and we have manged to build a strong life together. I do have fears. Fears that he will continue to self treat with alcohol as he has given up on the ability of medicine and doctors to help him. I know that marriage will not fix this and I fear that my life will forever be dictated by his condition and that one day I will resent him or have to leave him. I want to be strong and be the support that he needs but I want to be happy too. If you can give any feedback or comments to help please do.

Tonight was a bad night and I fear for him and our future due to the instability depression brings into our lives. Oh Michele, you are in such a tough position. Very few if any relationships can happily survive such deep, chronic depression, especially medicated with alcohol. Many people commit to the person they love based on who they would be if they evolved into their best selves and then inevitably get disappointed and angry when their partner stays the same.

Believe me, I feel for both of you, and realize how hard this is for him too, but being with a chronically depressed person is very very difficult. One of the secrets is for the ill person to do the maximum they can for themselves. This can make taking care of them more manageable for the caretaker. Your advice is to have the woman who loves me, and who I love, leave me? Leave your depressed partner?

You should probably get out of that relationship. Shame on you, and your advice. I believe you need to ask yourself if you would have counseled a man the same way you counseled Michelle. Because it comes off as selfish. Your partner deserves happiness and if your misery affects them then you should be mature enough to let them go. I grew up with people who were much worse off than me and their unhappiness led to their partners being unhappy and it had a strong effect on me in that I realized by not being healthy, mentally and physically, you were likely to make the other persons life more difficult.

I am planning to read this to my husband tonight. I hope that this will give him insight to how I feel. It has been hard on us both. But I truly feel that understanding and acceptance is key. Thank you. Thank you for your article. Am I depressed?


Do I show it? I have a successful career, I own a home, I volunteer the equivalent of one month per year, I donate money to many causes, I exercise regularly, journal when I feel like it, and take medication. I have been a member of two long-term, multi-month wilderness expeditions, I participate in extreme sports, I contribute to the raising and development of three children, none of whom are biologically mine. I write music and record music, play multiple instruments, and compile multimedia presentations as a hobby.

These presentations seem to make many people happy. All that said, most days are spent with on-going multiple conversations and thoughts in my head, all negative, all pointing to suicide, like a constant, low-grade headache. Thank you for acknowledging that there are a few of us in society with these issues. We are not necessarily sitting at home crying. If we mention suicidal ideation, most of you would immediately exit our lives and never contact us again because of the shock.

Suicide is NOT a permanent solution to a temporary problem for me, because the problem is likely quite permanent, as this article gives creedence to. I am very happy, that someone actually admits, that this sometimes cannot be cured. It got worse when I was a teenager, and now its even worse.. I seem to forget my whole life sometimes.. Its very painful. Its like something evil is eating me bit for bit.. I think that the depression has caused me, to be in the middle of nowhere..

Cannot concentrate, and taking another studio is impossible for me, cause my memory and concentration is all but disappeared.. I will never be the same person again, and in fact i never think that i knew.. Feel like I am dying bit by bit. In my world there is no such thing, as learning to be a better person, cause when you experience yourself getting weaker psychological every year, you get kind of..

Things are so messed up.. I really wanna leave this world, and never come back again…. Hi Daniel, Thank you for your message. Please know that if you are international the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline might not be able to help you, but you can still go to your local law enforcement agency, and go to your nearest hospital. Dying most days or sleeping for a really long time sound like the best out of this crazy life.

You still have so much potential ahead of you! I have been depressed my whole life. I am 66 and the world probably thinks, so what I am old and its one mre person off Medicare. I stay in my apt. Its no one to call. Hospital thinks your an inconvince. I also wish to die. Thank you for your comment, Yvonne. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. I just turned By I feel very small and alone inside.

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Depression started very young, abusive, disturbed mother, Dad always gone, bullying from pre-school onward, chronic Ulcerative Colitis and more bullying starting at age 7, no emotional support anywhere. Suicidal ideation started around then too, I was trapped. I fall into paralyzing depressions, although it was worse before I got on the right meds. Including meds for ADD, which untreated, can give you many more reasons to be depressed. Well, that used up all my energy. Spending my birthday and the holidays alone again for the billionth time is always a ticket on the Down Escalator.

The chronic depression never seems to go away. This last bout of severe depression has lasted almost two years. My son age 28 has been suffering on and off for the past 15 years. Now we are experiencing major problems. His wife is ready to divorce him. He is now living with me, in anticipation of finding his own apartment, but I am scared for him to live by himself. There is no money to send him to a hospital. We can barely afford for him to see a psychologist. I would be worried too. Can you get him to a good psychiatrist?

A good diagnosis and medication evaluation could make a difference.

Is he actually seeing a psychologist? Does he have any guns or obvious ways of killing himself or others? He is seeing a psychiatrist that he likes. No addictions known. This began when he was in high school. He has periods of normal behavior, then sinks back down, especially when life changes occur i. He had suicidal tendencies when he was young, but never actually attempted. He has been in hospitals and under treatment for some time now. Just worried that this will continue for the rest of his life. Seeing a psychologist is cost prohibitive at this point. I am a 28 year old female. I have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember.

My mother, who also had major depression, was an alcoholic who would become violent with my father when she was intoxicated, and this led to an accident in which he shot her in self-defense when I was He passed away while I was in college. My mother expressed love for me while she was alive, and my father was quiet and distant but I knew he loved me…. They briefly attempted to guide me, then gave up, I guess, when I had behavioral problems. I was raised by books, the internet, then a juvenile RTC for 8 months and boarding school for the remainder of high school.

My only family is my sister who struggles with alcoholism, and I myself often resort to substance abuse. I have been through many programs, many institutions such as residential treatment centers, therapy, and an endless list of medications, and nothing has helped. I am now at what is rock-bottom so far, though I always manage to drill lower and lower. The limitations of mental health knowledge and medicine are just a harsh reality I have been thinking about lately. I know logically that self-medicating will only make things worse, but I feel so paralyzed and trapped, I am almost always desperate for some relief.

It feels like going to a prison and paying for a stay there. I want to be. I feel so much shame. I am ashamed that everyone around me thinks I am incredibly lucky to be in my financial situation, and to an extent I know I am. I feel lazy, spoiled, worthless, and sometimes, evil. I was in law school with a big scholarship up to 3 years ago, then withdrew, got engaged, and went through a terrible series of break-ups and reconciliations with another mentally unhealthy person. Some people tell me to get over it, and some express sympathy.

Those who purport to understand tell me to exercise, go out and volunteer, etc. I want to. I have in the past. Right now, though, they might as well be telling me to leap across an ocean. I am sitting here trapped in my head, wanting to want to move, having a second-order desire to move, I guess. It causes me to allow myself to be treated in ways that make me feel taken advantage of. I have an appointment with her next week, but I never make it there; I scheduled several appointments with her last year and missed them. Our talk last night was via phone.

I have a good idea of how this behavior developed. I attempted suicide once in the past had been addicted to cocaine and gone to the country to stop cold turkey; ended up feeling pretty miserable, and probably should have succeeded in ending my life but was lucky. I want the amazing life I know I could have. So is this just laziness? After reading about this stuff, I am crushed by the thought that I will be this way until it simply gets so bad I kill myself. So here I am, somewhere in between limbo and hell yet fully in both at the same time. I wish I could stop thinking about it.

I wish I could think of something that makes me happy…but nothing does. But if never feeling good or motivated is the main problem, does that change the usual dynamic between desire, motivation, and action? I am afraid someone s will express scorn or disgust or just dislike for the way I am handling this, i. Wow Paige, Probably not what you want here, but I was struck with your articulate voice.

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Hi Ms. Even the bit about your matriculating through law school and having yet to finish it. I am in the same boat as you were at the time you published your post. When I reached the part of your post where you discussed the issue of substance abuse having found a way to slither into your home and cement itself to your immediate family and, at some point, to your life as well ; I desperately wanted to stop reading and leave the site because of how that hit a bit too close to home for me… but in earnest could not stop reading. AS weird as it sounds, I found myself feeling impressed with the level of self-awareness exhibited through your post.

I say it felt weird because I recognize that I am self-aware to a similar extent about my deep-seated depression and resulting state of mind but at the same time this self-awareness makes me feel as though I am useless because anyone who is THAT self-aware should at least be able to avoid succumbing to the all too common, treacherous effects of major depression. I was left with a feeling of sadness for you, and a bit also for myself, although I am totally against the idea of self-pity as it serves no good purpose.

Needless to say, your post deeply affected me, even to my surprise. I was shocked at how similar the major events of your life seemed to pattern that of my own. And that you are not the only person who knows how terrible it feels to live day in and out with the treacherous effects of major depression including its brain children, named Guilt, Anxiety and Worry, and Self-Hate.

I hope that if you ever read this VERY late reply, you have recovered enough to be able to live a healthier, better life. I welcome any helpful advice you may have and are willing to offer. If I had more to do and less time to think, would I be happier? All I can think of for you with your son is to listen without criticism to what he is thinking and feeling. If you can make yourself or someone who can listen and give him lots of attention available to him as much as possible, that may be all that can be done, and he will have to do the rest.

If you can get trauma and grief counseling, maybe a good EMDR therapist to help you resolve stuff—that could make a huge difference. If I were you, I would force myself to go to an AA meeting everyday no matter what. You, like most depressed people probably need to commit to a schedule—meetings can be a start.

Work gives people a schedule effortlessly—yours will be harder, but you still need it, and need to commit to it. If you can think of anything that might give you pleasure without negative consequences, or even something that used to give you pleasure, seek it out—even drops of pleasure—pleasant smells, music you like, people you like, massage, nature, water—whatever gives you drops or more of pleasure—do as much as you can of these, on schedule, including AA meetings, and when you can, add aerobic exercise.

But start with one thing—once you accomplish that, add something. Do what you can and commit to doing it on schedule. You get over it! And thank you for your service as a nurse, that is a tremendous gift. I hope you are able to experience peace. My very best to you, Jon.

Thank you for your uplifting words. I wish that I could just get over it. You are right no one wants to live like this. Knowing that someone out there is feeling the same way gave me strength. Thank you and God bless ; Ella. What a beautiful post. I have a strong family history of depression, anxiety, and substance abuse. My 34 yr. It always seems she goes two steps forward and three steps back, on a vicious cycle that never seems to end. Any advice is appreciated. You nailed it with what you said…thank you!

Well said, Robin. Thank you! I want to thank you very much for all your good work, you do not have to try to help othes as you do, and thank you very much. Frustrating and gut wrenching. Wish you an opportunity to live free of depression! Cheers Jon. You have put into words exactly how I feel when people are so ignorant towards depression.

I am 28 and have suffered depression all through my 20s. I love my family which is the only reason I try my best to get on with it. People really ought to learn the difference between being sad and being depressed before they make such ill-informed comments. As if a life lived in the abscence of purpose and hope is something you could just get over. I think that is what seems to get to me the most- the lack of purpose. It is the most debilitating aspect of my depression- the fact that what makes up our society is so ridiculous, how we, as human beings, are torn apart by such trivial things, and how, after it is all said and done, you just die.

And that is really the bottom line. And it sounds so ridiculous and petty to some- they think it is an excuse for my laziness. They always think depression in any teenager is just a result of teenage angst. And the only thing that keeps me going is the naive thought that things will one day better. I found in my younger days I had crying episodes and that was a big part of the depression, but now I no longer cry. Theres no point or future to be gained in mending these relationships.

Hi Jessie, Thank you for commenting. In addition to resources above, you can visit this page if you ever feel you are in a crisis situation or if you are having suicidal thoughts. The GoodTherapy. Well said Sharon, Robin,Paige and Jon. It was good to read your posts. I feel so deeply for all of you. I too would love to work again, use my talents, enjoy life even some of the time, but effective treatment seems elusive. Bryson obviously is just another ignorant , judgemental member of society who rather than educate himself would prefer to criticize.

Ignore him.! For the next few hours I feel normal. No other form of exercise seems to work-it has to be nearly exhausting. Maybe something similar could bring relief to others who have given up believing exercise can be that helpful. I wish I had an answer. I have lost track of the hours I have spent researching treatment, talking to therapists, taking meds, changing diets, taking supplements,etc. I personally think Marujana shoud be legalized for severe depression-to just get a break for an hour or so.

To continue, we know this is real, and it takes more courage and strength to deal with every day than anything else I can imagine. Likewise low vit D levels and adrenal fatigue. Insist on a check. Please reply-so glad I found this website. Thanks so much for your article. I have battled depression for 30 years, and have lost 3 careers because of it. It began immediately after the birth of my eldest daughter, happened again after my second and since then has become more and more prevalent , with longer episodes responding very poorly to meds.

It produces incredible guilt for me for the effect my illness has had on my husband and daughters. I know I can be hard to live with when depressed, and in retrospect I wish my children had gone to counseling as I way underestimated the effect it was having on them growing up. My husband and I did go to counseling, but the focus was not my depression, but our relationship, which of course was primarily suffering because of me. They have free support groups in most towns nationwide.

There are also free courses for consumers, run by those who have been diagnosed with a mental illness. They also have free support and classes for family members, helping them to understand what their loved ones are going through. It is a wonderful advocacy organization for those living with mental illness.

Please check it out. Their website contains a wealth of information for all affected by mental illness. Hi Wesley, Thank you for your comment. We want to make sure that you have resources to find a therapist or talk to someone as soon as possible. You can do one of the following immediately:. Why is it people say seek help immediately?? I am 41 and my wife left three yrs ago and havent had one date in that time frame.

I was emotionally abuse as well as sexually neglected for 19 yrs that i was her lilly pad.. New home and many toys couldnt buy her love.. Havent any friends no family company closed doors and yet seek help is what i am supposed to do.. I have read all the self-help books, attended the classes taken medication done everything I can to try to find an answer.

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When nothing works for you where do you go from there? The only thing that has kept me on this planet for so long is my husband, whom I love with all my heart and soul, and vice-versa. As long as he is here, I am here. If he dies before me, there is no further reason for me to hang around, so I will be only minutes behind him. I have drafted a note telling what to do our remains and our dogs, if any are still living at that time, and I will attach their medical records.

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Paige, so much of what you wrote is so much like me. I blame myself for almost everything negative that happens to my husband and I. There are always new ones in the pipeline. People are probably saying seek help immediately, because you sound like you are intending to kill yourself, and if you do that, you have no more chance of getting the pleasure and joys life offers. If you kill yourself, you will miss all of that opportunity. Please call your therapist and wait for a response, call , go to an emergency room, or call a suicide hotline. Give yourself another chance to get what life offers for yourself.

My oldest daughter who will be 20 in few months and you have same name… We used to be close and did everything together.. Only employee there also… Everyone needs to be able to enjoy thier own company or they wont be able to enjoy others.. I am in quicksand the more i fight the tougher it gets. I think maybe youll understand better if i inform you of the straw that broke me… My ex is very beautiful, 5 — 6 , lbs and i not once saw her naked or hold hands in the 19 yrs we lived together. One day 18 mos ago she handed me a mini SD card and said it was mine. Placed it in my laptop and there she was,,,,,,,, i wont go into detail but the man and her are naked and its daytime…..

That straw on my laptop are visions in my head that play repeatedly.. Please tell us what you need from us. I love you! If you have love for one other person on this earth, whether they love you back or not, you have a purpose in this life. Having love in your heart makes you a man of worth.

Give that love away to anyone and everyone as often as you can, and I promise you that someone will love you in return. In fact, I love you right now. Get help immediatly if you feel suicidal. That always feels so annoying to me. Some people feel sucicdal almost every day so it is impractical to call help every time.

I did once.. They send me to the hospital for 5 days. Then a phyciatrist I never met told me what they thought I had. As if they could know that in one week. They then gave me a pescription for anti-depressants and anti-phycotics and sent me home with not so much as see you next month for a follow up.. When I called they told me to speak with my GP. Which BTW general practitioners know as much about mental illness as I do. I attempted suicide a month after they released me.

Thank the Lord I was too crazed to think of mixing the pills with alchool or I would of never woken up the next day. My family treats me like the lazy unemployed loser they think I am. The first time I tried to hurt myself I was in grade three and I felt so crazy I tried to cut myself with a rock. I think deep down they are the ones that feel guilty for not getting me help when I first started exibiting strange behaviours. Instead they ignored it. The amount of times I was told not to be so sensitive when I was little is countless.

So they rather pretend it is all my fault for being this way. And I suffer because what else is there to do, except survive and suffer. I been to therapists and OMG I cannot believe they have a degree to just sit there and listen. My diary does the same and this cost me only a dollar.

And anything other than anit-depressants she is unqualified to perscribe.

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The funny part of talking all these is that it always says consult your dr before supplementing.. Like as if she would ever know anything about supplements so expensive BTW when she prolly gets money every time she percribes an anti-depressant. In conclusion for suicidal people. Call emergency and whatever. Faith in my God is what keeps me going for he is the only one who knows my suffering and all my secrets. We are not weak.

We are fighters. We can handle what other people cannot. We live our lives with an undercurrent of misery. But we can handle it. Same goes for us. We are stronger than the people who think we are week. Who will they come to when their perfect world fails them. They will come running to us for advice, for insight…Because we see more than they do in their superficial blindness. Anyways I wrote way too much My dad told me off eariler for being broke, etc.. Be brave people and keep fighting the fight. My prayers are with all of you survivors. Keep on surviving damn it!!

Thank you to everyone here for being so honest with one of the most scary personal issues a chronically depressed person has to face. I can completely relate to all but a few comments. So what kind of help should one seek if you have tried endless medications therapies. In one response you suggested that their wife leave the chronically depressed husband, which believe me I understand you should never live miserably for your partners sake but there seems to be no solution to this plaguing illness.

On the other hand this blog has left me hopeless if this condition is something I just have to accept will never be better. How do I give them hope with living with this dark cloud they will forever carry. I am however very grateful for all who have shared as we all probably feel completely alone in a world full of people. Peace and love to all those who suffer.

I am 32 years old. I live in a small town where there is much stigma in regard to mental illness. I am willing to try ECT. I have no health insurance right now, but has ECT helped others when nothing else has helped? I have tried just about every antidepressant out there. I have 2 young daughters i want to enjoy life with. I hate life right now and myself.

I am deep into my third major episode of major clinical depression. It feels the darkness will not lift. Whom have I have in Heaven? And Earth has nothing I desire besides you,my heart and my flesh,but remains my strength forever,,,sealed eternally be the redeeming work of Jesus…I am a con heir with JEsus…all reseasons I will abdicate in a heartbeat, as soon as my God fulfill the deepest yearning of my heat peace,. Jenna, if you are in your third major depressive episode, does that mean you felt very differently between episodes? The incomplete feeling has never left me, even in my happiest times with my first love I remember being depressed.

Perhaps my depression will never be cured, but its part of who I am and it is all I know. I am 50 years old and have been depressed since I was 12 or I suffer from the depression the most. I have been on every medication known to mankind with nothing helping. My father beat my mother and she put up with t till I was 21 and out of the house. My first husband died from a cerebal hemorrhage at the age of 28 and I was left with a 6 year old and a 19 month old to raise by myself. I still grieve for him. It has been 23 years in October.

I married a good man who has been great to my children and they love him like their own father, but his kids hate me. They were older and I was the disciplinarian in the family. I was a hard person to get along with until I was diagnosed. My husband has put up with me for 21 years and 16 of them have been with depression.

We have problems with our kids. We are raising one of our grandchildren. Recently some of my medication came up missing and 2 of my checks were forged. My son did this to me and has yet to tell me that he is sorry. He lives with us and has custody of his child every other week.

Basically he lives off of us. And when any of the other children need anything they come to us like we have a money tree. My husband just got a full time job after being laid off for over a year. We live off my disability check, such as it is, his little bit of retirement and now a paycheck. I know we have been too good to the kids and they should be cut off, but how do you say no to your children when they have children that will suffer if you say no.

I just want help with my depression and find some medication that works so that I can function and deal with life. Any suggestions? The problems you face would be very difficult for anyone, but to have to face them when you can barely move must feel impossible. It sounds like you need a combination of good therapy and medication. What have you tried?

Is it weird if I started to have suicide thoughts at the age of ?

My mum, older brother and I had no where to live. My older sister took us and we stay with her family when I was 9. When I was 10, my dad came back and we applied for a 2-room flat — 1 living room, 1 bedroom, 1 kitchen and 1 bathroom. My dad and mum filed for separation. I started slitting my wrist when I was My friends became concerned and encouraged me to stop doing it.

However, 5 years ago I fell in love. I think I was normal at that time but I became agitated easily. It was probably my mood swings. I have no appetite at all. On one occasion when I went to the doctor to allow me to rest at home instead of going school, the doctor noticed the scars on my wrist and referred me to a psychologist. I was diagnosed of moderate depression. So I stopped going for the sessions. Am I asking for too much? I feel worthless to anyone.

My mum called me a jinx since I have memory of things.. I came here to understand what is depression. Am I really suffering from depression? What can I do so that my boyfriend can understand and help me? Hi Minty, thanks so much for posting. We read your comment and are concerned, so we want to make sure you have access to resources that may help. If you feel you are in crisis, please call if you are in the United States or go to your nearest hospital emergency room immediately. We wish you the best. Rebecca I hope you will be careful when deciding on ECT.

Both my sister and I have had it after many years of trying to heal our depression. She believes it MAY have been helpful in breaking a severe episode, she had 6 treatments and with multiple medications has been back to her old self again for several years, has two kids and a good career. I was told by others I had bad reactions to the first couple treatments i.

After several treatments I started having side effects, muscle spasms, balance and vision problems. I did all I could take. I tell you my story because I am concerned about the use of this and other invasive unscientific treatments. But I also respect the decisions that major depression forces us to make. I also think some treatments truly work as prescribed, but it is all trial and error, as you already know, this can wear a person out and cause further stress. There are so many unknown variables when treating this illness.

I wish you well with what you choose to do. Peace to you! Hi pvs, Thank you for your comment and your words, which so many people can relate to. You are not alone, and we want to make sure you are aware of resources that can help. Therapy and medication. Is that all you M. Ts can come up with? How many people with chronic major depression get well long term from that combination?

Sometimes it has helped a bit and other times it has made things much worse. The only use I have for therapists is having someone to talk to without judgement for an hour a week. This disease just sucks and it pushes away all those who love me. Why are all these medical professionals trying so hard to save my life?

Despite this trauma, graduated high school top 5 with honors and a full scholarship. Plan was to hike on my own or die. Obviously I survived a 3 month hike. Have been on numerous combinations of pharmaceutical treatments with limited improvement. Successfully pursued a career in science that has allowed me to work and travel internationally. Best way I can describe what my chronic depression feels like is its like being on a drug.

Its always been like that for me except in regards to school. When I think about or have to do school work it takes a more stereotyped form. What a find to stumble onto this web-site. I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression in , but I know I had been dealing with it for at least 5 years before then, and actually I have always been someone whose emotional band was broad.

Throughout my life, as long as I could maintain the energy to keep engaged in activities that would give me the adrenaline kicks I needed, I could go and go and go. A professor once described me as someone who would never have moss growing on my back. Since I would strive hard to put myself in positions of responsibility, that required me to accept rigid standards, I thankfully never resorted to alcohol to self medicate.

My coping mechanism was to sleep. Even though for years I would often go for weeks averaging hours of sleep a night…. That was how I did life. Accomplished a lot, put degrees and trophies on my wall in my home office. About 20 years ago though,push, push, push, became the daily mantra I had three sons, over a period 12 years. I was like a closet alcoholic, successfully hiding my depression. Then, my body began to show signs of the illness, bad mammogram, mad pap smear, hair and nail loss, and sleeping away over half of my days.

I truly cannot recall many days…. I feel I lost so much. I finally got on medication and began the journey to reclaim my life. I have only been off medication for about 4 years and I am right on the edge all the time again. We have been married for 40 years, miraculously. How we have done it? Only by the desire NOT to divorce. I have had a void in my life for years that I have not been able to fill.

My father died 7 years ago the night before my oldest son and his wife left for Europe and began teaching overseas. The two men in my life whom I felt did love me and admired me for who I was, were both no longer within reach. Today is the 7 year anniversary of that pivotal week-end. I feel lonely nearly all the time. I find myself thinking often that even if I died right now, everyone would go on just fine. Sure they would miss me, but they would be fine.

Do I want to die? No, it would make my family sad, and all I have ever wanted was to make them happy and create for them a home life that would prepare them to lead a happy and fulfilling life for themselves. I hope they are more capable at doing that than I have been. The thought that they may also fall victim to clinical depression is a heavy thought for me to bear. Genetics does seem to play into this. Exactly how I feel. What hurts me the most is no being able to fulfill a career and work like I use to. Been on disability for 2 years now and it makes me feel so useless:. Becoming too sick to continue being productive then getting sicker as a result of further loss of self.

I want to to continue working and biuld my life up again but feel less able to do so as this disease drags on. This is truly a hateful catch 22 scenario. I wish you all the best in recovering your self respect, career, etc etc. Jamie, So am I, especially those who have everything else to maintain a good life. In my case, it is the same as yours but also have loss my hearing. I use to be a very happy person nice personality, party person, open minded, Bowler, loved to laugh and meet new people. Sally, you have been so brave to struggle through all of that! Have you tried any kinds of treatment?

Eli, is there any way for you to get some professional help? I can totally relate to what a lot of you are saying. I am 49 years old and have come to realize that I have been suffering from depression since I was 12 years old. This latest episode has been going on for over a year. A major depressive episode is kind of like dying, again and again. With each one you lose something of yourself — whether it be an interest you had, a person you cared about, a song you liked to listen to etc etc. I think there comes a time when one is so destroyed that it feels like there is nothing left within you to carry on.

Psychologists are nowhere near a cure. Therapy only works for so long and to a certain extent. How can one constantly survive and fight a war with their-selves without respite? I have found that writing helps. It allows you to document your thoughts and help you analyse them better. All we can do is try our best, as a community, to be thoughtful and support each other. Just when I thought I had got through it it has just bit me again and right now it feels worse than ever. I want this out of my life its so frustrating and nothing seems to help.

To all you know it alls who say snap out of it I know what I would like to snap. I just want to be normal. Love justme. And most of the people who are commenting have already tried going to therapist and take medication. Im happy this nightmare is soon over. Is there a way to get someone else to do it for me? Thank you for your comment. Things may look pretty dark now but believe me you can survive this darkness.

Please seek some. I understand not wanting to live in pain anymore, but there are ways to do that without dying. I hope you get angry and fight back instead of giving up. The world needs you. I randomly stumbled in to this site, I have not read every single post but does anyone have an update of what happened to Michael from posts 41 and 43? His posts really got to me. I would love to know what happened to everyone, especially those on the edge, like Michael, and Asger I believe that while she may have ADHD, she truly has depression.

All she wants to do is move away… With or without me and our children. She has many regrets professionally and personally. She feels trapped and is resentful towards me because I have a business that I cannot easily leave behind. She is aggressive and hostile at times and our kids are starting to react to her behavior. I try to keep everybody calm and level but its not getting any easier. I kind of like the idea of a fresh start in a warm climate but it seems more of a fantasy and irresponsible in some ways. Our kids are very happy where we are, we have a great home, financial stability and a good network of friends.

She says she hates living here and wants to move to the west coast. Anywhere but here. Thanks for your help. Hi, I have been with my partner for 15 wonderful years, however the last 2 or 3 he has suffered from serious depression. He is on medication and sees a psychologist very week. Last year at this time he left for a week saying he could not cope.

Saline Solution is a must have in your medicine cabinet. There is really nothing worse than a sick baby or toddler so you want to be prepared and make sure you know what you need in advance. To be honest, you never can be truly safe unless you have. It is natural and safe. Most notably when they have an infection or blocked nose. I have used Flo on both my kids without any problems. Initially we started out with the baby version and then moved onto the kids version. I have a bottle of it in the medicine cupboard at all times because with kids when they get sick it escalates very quickly.

Not only did it help with the flight but also after the flight during the first few days when full of jet lag and exhaustion I started getting sick.